


The Great Pancake Stakeout

by HugeAlienPie



Series: Working Around It [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Men in Black (Movies)
Genre: Canon Character of Color, Crossover, Father-Son Relationship, Honeymoon, Jay did not sign up for this, M/M, Post-Avengers (2012), Protective Clint, Stakeout, pancake!Coulson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 18:52:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HugeAlienPie/pseuds/HugeAlienPie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seemed like every other dusty, forlorn diner along the byways of America, but they'd eaten there a bunch in the past couple days, so Jay knew the food was way better than you usually got in these places. Especially the pancakes. Kay recommended them the first day, though it was almost midnight, and the first bite made Jay's eyes roll back in his head. Still, beyond the unnaturally high quality of the breakfast goods, Jay couldn't see a damn thing about the place that warranted this level of scrutiny.</p><p>Then again, they weren't actually watching the diner. They were watching the men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Pancake Stakeout

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/gifts).



> You may be familiar with [the rules of pancake!Coulson](http://sweaterkittensahoy.tumblr.com/post/37219340656/uberniftacular-ralkana-raiining). I wrote this back when it hit 1,000 notes. That's a totally legit milestone, right?

Stakeout fatigue. Happened to even the most seasoned agents, no matter how extensively they trained against it. Which is why they didn't see trouble approaching til it tapped on their passenger-side window.  
  
That's what Jay was putting in his report, anyway.  
  
They'd been through a lot of missions together, him and Kay, but none so boring as this. Three days, the exact same shit. By 7 a.m, they'd parked the car on the east side of the dusty two-lane rural highway, where the rays of the rising sun would obscure them to anyone who looked their way from the diner on the highway's west side. And they looked back at the diner.  
  
It seemed like every other dusty, forlorn diner along the byways of America, but they'd eaten there a bunch in the past couple days, so Jay knew the food was way better than you usually got in these places. Especially the pancakes. Kay recommended them the first day, though it was almost midnight, and the first bite made Jay's eyes roll back in his head. Still, beyond the unnaturally high quality of the breakfast goods, Jay couldn't see a damn thing about the place that warranted this level of scrutiny.  
  
Then again, they weren't actually watching the diner. They were watching the men.  
  
Every morning the same pattern. Between 7:30 and 8, a brown-haired man in a suit so well cut and maintained it could've been onea theirs arrived on foot from the south, entered the diner, and sat in the same booth--one with clear lines of sight and easy access to all exits. He'd chat up the waitress while he ordered an extra-tall stack of pancakes, a carafe of coffee, and the morning paper. He'd scan the headlines 'til his food came, then he'd eat his pancakes _real slow_ while he worked the crossword.  
  
Half an hour into this, the scruffy blond in the tattered jeans, faded purple hoodie, and dusty black motorcycle boots would saunter in from the same direction and slide into the booth beside suit guy, crowding into his space. Blondie got himself a glass of orange juice, but they shared everything else--pancakes, coffee, crossword, and kisses so long and searing Jay had to look away--unfortunately right into Kay's damned granite slab of a face that didn't give a glimmer of a clue what they were doing here. Hell, he hadn't said anything the whole time they'd been here, beyond, "Any more pretzels?" and "Gonna go water the desert."  
  
Breakfast and crossword complete, the two guys would disappear up the road together, and Kay and Jay would make the ten-mile return trip to their hotel--Jay hitting the pool and catching up on news from HQ, Kay doing...whatever emotionally repressed old white dudes did during mission downtime.  
  
It'd been three days of this crap, and the only noteworthy thing that'd happened was when blondie looked out the window yesterday and, rising sun or no, Jay was sure he'd seen them. "Seriously, Kay, who the hell are these dudes?" He tried to remember what-all'd been pinging their radar lately. "Fellijick mercenaries? Delforian spies? Vegali rickrack smugglers?" He hadn't been able to look at a craft store for a _month_ after he learned what they did with rickrack on Vega IV.  
  
"Nope," Kay said, drawing out the "n" and putting a hard pop on the "p". He peered through his high-power binoculars, twiddling needlessly (as far as Jay could tell) with the focus. "These boys're all human."  
  
Jay jerked in his seat. " _What_?" The few Earth-only intelligence and law enforcement agencies that knew about MiB got tetchy when they encroached on non-alien cases.  
  
"Relax, ace," Kay grumbled, not lowering the bins. "It ain't jurisdictional. It's personal."  
  
Jay could only stare. Kay didn't _do_ personal. As far as he was concerned, any life you'd had in the world ceased to exist the second you put on the suit.  
  
So maybe Jay could be forgiven for being too distracted to notice they weren't alone anymore.  
  
 _Knock knock knock._  
  
Jay's report would _not_ note that he jumped half a foot off his seat at the rap on his window. And it sure as hell wouldn't mention Kay's infuriating smirk as he shut off the AC and rolled the passenger-side window all the way down.  
  
Jay looked over warily. This close, blondie was damned good-looking, with a broad, wry face that had maybe taken too many fists, and arms that shouldn't be possible outside comic books--arms that rested on the frame of the open window. Recently married, going by the shine on his wedding ring. He hoped suit-guy was the husband; ya hated to see infidelity so early in a marriage. The guy's blue-eyed gaze flicked over Jay, assessing, before resting on Kay. "Agent K," he said respectfully.  
  
Kay nodded once, but his eyes and head stayed stubbornly forward. "Barton."  
  
Barton looked at Kay a minute more. Then he pinched his lips into a tight line and looked at Jay, holding out his hand through the open window. "Specialist Clint Barton, SHIELD."  
  
SHIELD? Jay shook the hand in front of him, but all he could think was how he was _really_ confused now. Last time SHIELD and MiB officially interacted was during that damn mess with Loki last year. Thor was working with the Avengers, but he had an assigned MiB liaison, and it wasn't anybody in this car. "Uh...Agent J."  
  
Barton kinda snickered. "I figured. Who else would put up with this crap?"  
  
"If you got something to say, Barton," Kay said tightly.  
  
Barton sighed and stared into the desert. "You're protective of him," he said, seeming to be choosing his words carefully. "I respect that. We all are. If you think Iron Man doesn't have his creepy AI monitoring our vitals every second--"  
  
"What's one more set of eyes, then?" Kay asked with the most terrifying fake smile Jay'd ever seen him give. "Or two."  
  
"Iron Man and his AI aren't _watching us_ _eat breakfast_ every morning!" Barton snapped. "And _you_ made a promise."  
  
"You are completely off the radar out here, Barton," Kay shot back.  
  
"We're on vacation. That's kinda the point."  
  
"Threats could appear from anywhere. Who's got your back?"  
  
"We have each other's backs, sir," Barton said through clenched teeth. "If you don't trust me to do it right, because of Loki, you and I'll settle that another time. But right now, you owe it to Phil--"  
  
"You'll want to stop right there, slick," Kay said, and, _damn._ Jay'd seen the dude angry more times than he could count, but never like this. Never with his legendary professionalism eroded to a thin veneer over a bottomless layer of hurt. They all froze, Barton with his fists clenched, breathing fast; Kay with his gaze fixed unwaveringly on the diner; Jay deeply regretting being in the middle of whatever this was. Kay exhaled and looked across at Barton. "How upset is he?"  
  
Barton snorted. "Doesn't know you're here. When you promised not to surveil our honeymoon, he took you at your word." He flashed a grim smile. "He's got a blind spot when it comes to you. Genetic, seems like."  
  
That statement caused a picture to form in Jay's mind. It was a...weird one, but it made things make about as much sense as he figured they were gonna. But--"You're on your honeymoon, and your man's wearing suits like that? In this desert shit?" God damn, the places that dude must have sand...  
  
Barton chuckled humorlessly. "I've hardly ever seen him without them. That's genetic, too, I think." After another minute of tense silence, Barton straightened his back and slapped his hands twice against the window frame. "You got a choice, Kay. Either you two leave right now--really leave, don't think you can sneak off and watch from somewhere else--or I tell Phil you're here, and you can deal with his reaction."  
  
Jay watched Kay weigh the options. If the situation was what Jay thought it was, they were equally unpleasant. Why didn't Kay go for door number three--wipe Barton's memory and keep on like they were (not, mind, that Jay was thrilled to find out they'd been spying on someone's _honeymoon,_ Jesus, Kay, who did that?)?  
  
Kay offered something like his real smile (faint though it was at the best of times) and murmured, "Doesn't work."  
  
On Jay's other side, Barton was grinning fiercely. "Only upside of Loki's mindfuck. Made me immune to neuralization."  
  
"Seriously?" Jay demanded. "And R&D hasn't hooked you up to every machine they got?"  
  
Kay and Barton shared almost identical rueful smiles. "Not when you're under Phil Coulson's protection," Kay said. He looked around for a minute; Jay wished he knew what the guy was seeing. "All right," he said at last, looking at Barton, "we'll go. But if _anything_ happens--"  
  
Barton grinned and crossed his enormous arms across his chest. "Enjoy your drive back to New York."  
  
With an expression that promised a lot of grumbling under his breath as soon as they were away, Kay pushed the button to roll up the window. Then he stopped it and leaned forward. "Clint?"  
  
Barton peered into the car. "Sir?"  
  
"Why here?" A question Jay'd asked many times during this near-silent stakeout in East Nowherefuck, New Mexico. "You coulda gone anywhere in the world--hell, _other_ worlds, you'd asked far enough ahead--why this sinkhole?"  
  
A faint smile ghosted around Barton's face. "Good memories here--back before Loki showed up the first time." He jutted his chin. "Phil proposed in that diner."  
  
"I'd marry just about anybody for those pancakes," Jay blurted.  
  
Barton smiled wider and pointed up the road. "We're staying at this lodge Sitwell found--was a cattle ranch back in the '50s. Nothing's gonna happen out here. Nobody's gonna look for us." He looked down at Kay, but there was real humor in his expression. "We thought." He cocked his head. "One for you?"  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"Why just the diner? If we're in danger, we're in danger all day, not just at breakfast."  
  
Kay shrugged. "It's your honeymoon. You need privacy."  
  
Jay and Barton stared at Kay. Then Barton burst into incredulous laughter. "You're such an asshole, Kay."  
  
Kay chuckled and put the car in gear. "Stuck with me now, though, aren't you? You boys enjoy the rest of your trip. And he'd best call the _instant_ you're back in New York, you hear?"  
  
Barton nodded sharply and grinned. "Yes, sir."  
  
Jay watched Barton dwindle in the rearview. "You're gonna have cameras on them the instant we're back at HQ, aren't you?"  
  
Kay already had one hand around his comm. unit, eyes flicking between the screen and the road. "Nice a you to think I'm gonna wait that long."  
  
Jay laughed and reclined his seat. He regretted that they hadn't gotten out of the car for a stretch and piss-break and maybe another order of pancakes before they took off, but he wouldn't've enjoyed negotiating that with Agent Barton. Jay frowned, rolling names around in his head. "Coulson," he mused. "Didn't SHIELD have an Agent Coulson die in that last Chitauri invasion?"  
  
Kay didn't so much as blink. "That man look dead to you?"  
  
Jay hummed a sort of noncommittal agreement and watched the desert roll past. But he couldn't shake that flash of wounded fury on his partner's face. "Look, Kay, the life you had before--"  
  
And _there_ was a look Jay'd seen too often--in his mirror as often as on his fellow agents. _Regret._ Didn't matter how many times a week they saved the planet or humankind or dolphins or whatever the hell the big bad aliens of the week had it in for, they'd all given up a lot to join MiB. "We don't get a before, slick," Kay said. "Not in this job."  
  
"Yeah. Guess not." Jay settled deeper into his seat. "Glad they're gonna get an after."  
  
Kay flicked on the radio, and that twangy old white dude shit he liked so much flooded the car. But it wasn't so loud that Jay didn't hear him say, "Me, too."

**Author's Note:**

> There's [tumblrs](http://hugealienpie.tumblr.com) in them hills!


End file.
